It Started In A Field
by nothingbutphan
Summary: Dan and Phil both go on a holiday in Devon camping, they're both from care homes, however, Dan is from a completely different background. I literally have nothing else to say because i'm crap at summaries so just read. i'm not as arrogant as i sound promise. kickthestickz may be included idk yet.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1: Lund's Carehome**

Dan woke up with the familiar disturbance of Julie banging on his bedroom door loudly. The continuous banging would not subside until he announced he was awake. "Yes, yes I'm up. For god sake stop the bloody banging." Dan said. He heard insulting muttering towards him before the creaking of the old wooden stairs announced Julie had left him alone. He waited for his eyes to adjust to the light of the early morning before groaning and remembering today was the day that he was going on the 'Fun camping holiday with the family!' If it was up to Julie and Mike, the holiday would never have even been considered. But apparently the social services require at least one holiday a year for the whole care home, with provided funds from the government. Every year they went to the same old camping place in Devon and every year it was a week wasted. The tent was damp, the campsite had nothing to do apart from the one swing and slide which hardly counted as fun, and the towns nearby had next to no shops, unless you count a dozen old café's and health food stores. The countryside and 'great outdoors' wasn't for him. He didn't see the beauty, and being with the people in this house made it even worse.

Dan sat up as the cold air hit him. The occasional annual heat wave in Britain had not arrived so regardless of the fact it was mid-July, it was still around 15 Degrees outside. Dan sat on the end of his bed and rubbed his eyes, quickly recognising his white, bleak bedroom. This place had never felt like a home to him. The windows with no blinds, the dull white wooden bed with matching quilts, the plain chest of drawers. All of it was what he had lived in for as long as he could remember. And as cliché as it sounds, this place was more of a prison than a home.

Dan reluctantly walked over to his drawers; it wasn't much of a big decision to decide what to wear when you're him. He didn't have much of a variety of colours in terms of t shirts so he picked out a random black shirt and pulled it over his head. What he put on his bottom half was a no brainer, he had one pair of black jeans and he was happy with them. They were one of his favourite colours, they were skinny, and they were comfortable, sort of. His hair was still straight from yesterday so this was one of the days where he could leave his bedroom without bothering.

Dan walked downstairs and saw Lex at the door. Lex was literally the only other child in the care home. A strange character with long black hair. Next to each other, people may say we look very similar, but our personalities could not differ more. She was the most introverted person you could ever meet. Even with me, who she has known for more than 5 years, she acts shy and quiet around. I guess with one particular friend or significant other she might be really cool. But I obviously don't fit into any of those categories. She doesn't have many friends but she's really alternative; today she's wearing a black pinafore with a long sleeved black and purple striped t shirt and knee high lacquer black boots. Basically me if I was a girl.

Dan walked through the door to the kitchen/dining room. Family greetings weren't really exchanged in this house; you're usual "Good morning, how did you sleep?" doesn't happen. It makes it sound weird, but this care home isn't a care home. No one cares, and you can't really call it a 'home' Dan's spent approximately 10 years at this place and not once has another child come in. Not to blame them of course, Dan wouldn't want anyone else to suffer. Dan would love to move care homes, anywhere else must be better than this place, unless it's one of those 'institutions'. He's never been, or even seen one but he's heard of them and apparently they're horrific they give you all kinds of medication without your consent and they make you feel like life isn't worth living. Of course Dan has had those kind of thoughts in this place as well, but not as severe. But moving from this place isn't really an option. Mike and Julie would never even consider it; they're not going to willingly let the only two children they have in this care home move. These two children are their way of earning money. And running away is unthinkable, they always find you. Dan's tried it multiple times; they bring you marching back with your hands behind your back. That's how Dan ended up with the non-customizable, hell hole of a room. The room sounds way worse than you may think, imagine if your room was a small square, no colour and the only close possession you have with you is a teddy. 10 years in that room.

Dan was suddenly brought back to reality when his toast popped out of the toaster; he took it out, placed it on a plate and then sat down. He chose the seat furthest away from the others; he was going to spend a whole week with them cooped up in a tiny tent. This was the last bit of space he had.

Julie and Mike exchanged glances briskly after looking at Dan; it was literally like they were two teenage girls bitching about a certain person. They shot him dirty looks constantly then muttered to each other under their breath. "What, did I not butter my toast as precise as you wanted, am I not perfect enough for your 'standards'?" Dan scoffed. "I swear to god Dan Howell if you dare-" "What? You can't hit me, you'll get put to the social services as child abusers, you can get arrested for that you know." Dan interrupted. "You will learn to respect your elders, as long as you are under my roof you do as I say, and no back chatting, you understand?" said Julie. Ladies and Gentlemen, the Lund's. Julie; a queen in her own eyes. She has grey permed hair, and a sour face. Her voice is relatively low but goes into a horrific witch-like voice when she's angry. Then there's Mike, he's basically like one of Julie's minions if you could call him that. Also with grey hair, and a wrinkly face. They're both around their 60's. They think they are superior to everyone, maybe not everyone, but especially to Dan. To them he was seen as a thing they had to keep, carry around, spare baggage. It's exactly the reason why the Lund's care home isn't a family. They think they're so much better than everyone, it's like they think they're royalty and it couldn't be more irritating. Dan finished his breakfast in his deep trail of thought then stood up to set off to put his plate in the sink. "Packed your bags? We're going in an hour." Mike announced. "No." said Dan. "So irritating." Julie muttered. Dan groaned and went down the hall and back up the creaky wooden stairs towards his room.

Packing was something he was trying to put off doing. He didn't want this holiday; he never did and never will so why would he pack in excitement for it. He was wearing his pants, but he put blue jeans and beige capri shorts in for good measure. His shirts were a no brainer, they were all relatively the same so he just put 7 random ones in and hoped for the best. He placed his bag outside his room and came back into the white box. He took his flat pillow and quickly grabbed his brown teddy before trudging out into the hall. They had a lift they hardly use in this house, it rattled and it was old so he didn't like going in it much, and since there wasn't a lot in his bag and his heaviest item was a white pair of trainers, he could walk down the stairs easily with a pillow, teddy bear, and bag. As he arrived in the hall he was bombarded by Julie, hustling him into the car. "Get in, get in get in!" said Julie "You know, Julie you're acting like you're excited to go on this holiday, what's wrong with you, are you drunk?" Dan said, irritated. "You know what, I've had enough of you." Said Julie as she snatched Dans things from his hand and threw them into the car. "Get here." She escorted him over to the brick wall outside the house and cornered him. "I have had enough of your disgusting attitude. You better sort your mouth out or I'm going to get really mad. This is your 10th holiday with us and you better enjoy it and not spoil it like every other year ever. You make me stick to my stomach now get in that car now." She said, shoving him into the back seat next to Lex.

Lex barely noticed Dan getting pushed by Julie, besides glancing up from her book.

It was going to be a long drive.

**A/N: This is my first attempt at writing fanfiction, and it's a really long winded one so will take a while to finish. Probably should've begun with a one shot or something but yano, whatever. Please leave reviews and stuff because it motivates me lots. I will update soon promise maybe.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: Bridgewater Services**

It had been 3 hours and they still weren't in Devon, why did they have to choose the holiday with the longest journey. A measly 1 and a half hour drive would have sufficed, but no. They choose the _7 hour_ drive. Nothing had happened, no communication, no excitement. Literally Dan with his earphones in, Lex with her head in that bloody book again and Mike and Julie sat in complete silence. This was just the start of their 'action packed fun holiday!'

Dan had no idea what was planned for this holiday, but every year for the past 10 none of the activities had changed so he had no hopes on them being different this year,

Day 1: Put up tent

Day 2: Sit in tent

Day 3: Go into crap towns

Day 4: Sit on the campsite field

Day 5: Sit on the campsite field

Day 6: Sit on campsite field

Day 7: Go home

Day 7 was personally Dan's favourite. The only averagely entertaining thing that went on was during the evening/night when there was a family disco and the bar and arcades opened. Although the family discos were always rubbish with distasteful traditional party songs they were the most entertainment he gets all week; even if he never joined in with the 5 year olds who were dancing.

Since the journey there took 7 hours they couldn't do the whole thing in one day without being totally exhausted so they had to stop for the night. This was the bit which Dan hated the most. He had to sleep sat upright and they were the roughest nights Dan ever has. And he's going to be sleeping on the floor in a sleeping bag for the next 7 days.

They pulled the black estate car into the services and decided they were going to stay at this particular one for the night. 'Bridgewater services' or something along those lines. Dan jumped out the car, relieved that he could finally stretch his legs and walked across the car park into the brick building that had toilets and a small café in. It was chilly outside and Dan hadn't brought a jumper so goose bumps were starting to appear on his arms. As he entered the building, got lost and walked around for a bit, he saw a sign that directed him towards the mail toilets. He saw the white tiled walls that indicated he'd found them and let out a sigh of relief that he wasn't going to walk around this building alone in the middle of nowhere for an hour looking like an idiot. He walked into the toilets staring at his phone when he accidently bumped into someone. "oops sor-" They both said at the same time. Dan smiled and looked up. A boy, he says boy, he was around Dan's age. He was tall, with black hair that had a slight red tint to it, and gorgeous sea-blue eyes. He was holding the hand of two adorable children. One boy, only around two years old, he had bright blonde hair and brown eyes, with little chubby cheeks. And a girl who Dan guessed was four, with brown curly hair and bright green eyes. He realised the tall boy was smiling at Dan awkwardly waiting for him to move so he could walk past. Dan coughed awkwardly "ha- um sorry" "that's alright" The other boy said with a slight smile, brushing against Dans arm as he walked past. "Awkward" Dan thought. Although, he felt weird. His stomach felt strange and it's hard to explain, kind of like his stomach was tied in knots, but that's weird to think about. Dan proceeded to go to the toilet quickly, and he rushed out so he might be able to catch a glimpse of the boy with the black hair from before but once he came out of the toilets, Dan couldn't see him so he tried to forget about the boy he said 5 words to and walked back to the car.

When he arrived at the car, he got his sleeping bag out of the boot, unfolded it and sat in the back of the car, placing his earphones back in his ears and putting it on extra loud blocking out everyone else even though no one else got back from the toilets yet. It was only around 10pm which was unusually early for Dan but if he had to sleep it was easy for him to do it. He just counted and it really helped so hopefully he wouldn't be too awake and he would actually be able to sleep tonight regardless of the horrific discomfort this car had.

Dan was woken by the sound of the car doors opening signalling that Mike, Julie and Lex had come back from the toilet. "Oh for fucks sake, first time I ever get to sleep and you had to wake me up" Dan muttered to himself frustrated. "WOULD YOU JUST BE QUIET" Julie screamed "I'm not the one shouting" Dan snapped back with a smug smirk on his face as he put his earphones back in and fell back to sleep.

Dan was startled awake by the abrupt "WAKE UP WAKE UP" by Mike. Dan groaned "What time is it?" "6:30am" "Noo, are you kidding me" Dan said rolling over. It was freezing and the car was full of moist condensation. Dan didn't bother asking what was for breakfast. Most likely it was soggy egg salad sandwiches as its 'traditional road trip food' which stunk and was disgusting, he would be more than happy with anything else. It literally tastes what he could imagine snot tastes like. "Here you go" Mike said, handing Dan the sandwich. "I'm not eating that" Dan said reluctantly with his arms crossed. "Excuse me?" "I'm not eating it. I'll buy something with my own money" Dan hardly got any pocket money, £3 a month maybe, but he'd never spend it, he'd been saving. Obviously with a small amount like that, you can't save much. But Dan had a fair amount and a bacon bap from the café didn't cost much. "Lex, you want something _edible_ from the café for breakfast?" Lex was looking at the egg sandwich with her nose crinkled and a disgusted look on her face. When she heard Dan addressing her, she looked up from the sandwich hopefully and smiled. "Oh god, please" she whispered. Dan smiled and walked out the car. Lex came out the other door and came over to walk to the building with Dan. "What would you like to eat?" Dan asked "Um, what are you having?" Lex said "Well, I was going to get a bacon bap but I'm not sure yet" Dan replied. "Okay, I'll just have whatever you're having please" Lex smiled up at Dan and continued to walk across the car park with him. When approaching the path towards the café, Dan felt something against his hand. He looked down to see Lex holding it, attempting to link her fingers between Dan's.

Dan pulled away from Lex's grasp quickly "Um Lex" "Sorry was I a bit too forward?" She asked. "This is completely unlike you, I didn't even believe you talked until yesterday" Dan said "Well yeah, nerves I guess. And Julie and Mike scare the living daylight out of me so it doesn't help" Lex confessed "You and me both on that one, but um; Lex, in the nicest way possible. I can't date you." Dan said "Why?" Lex said, looking away. "Look ok, promise you won't tell Julie or Mike. Or anyone for that matter, no matter what I'm about to tell you. Even if I was about to tell you I smoke weed and have slept with over 230 women – which I haven't by the way, you mustn't tell anyone." Lex nodded her head "Ok, this um, is a really awkward topic, but basically, I'm gay." Dan said, biting his nails slightly. He felt someone brush past him, so he turned to his right to see the boy Dan bumped into in the toilets walking off. He walked off, and Dan watched him, as he admired his perfectly shaped body outline. Continuing to watch the boy walk off, when he was around half way across the car park, he turned around and smiled at Dan. 'Did he just hear that?' Dan worried. What was he thinking, he had no idea who this person was, not even his name, yet he was completely smitten by him and their twenty second conversation. Dan turned back to Lex, obviously unaware what Dan had been staring at. She gave him a big hug "Thank you for telling me, I totally accept you. If you have any problems, just come to me I guess if that's not too cliché. Sorry for not speaking to you for half my life." Lex said into his ear.

They continued to walk into the café and queue up. "Decided what you want yet?" Dan asked, turning to Lex "I told you, I'll have whatever you're having" Dan walked up to the checkout. "Two bacon baps please, one with ketchup" The woman tapped it into the till "£4.50 please" Dan gave her exact change, and he was told to stand on the side whilst waiting for his order. Lex came and stood with him again. "So long how long have you known?" "How long have I known wha- oh, two and a half year's maybe? I don't know, I didn't really realize all at once, came in stages, if you know what I mean? Not sure that makes sense but, it's hard to explain" Dan confessed. "I sort of get it" Lex said, smiling. "Two bacon baps one with ketchup to go?" The lady announced. Dan smiled, "Thank you" He said to the cashier as he picked up the sandwiches and walked away with Lex.

They walked across the car park in silence, they reached the car and got in, when they were both sat down, Dan passed the sandwich to Lex. "What did you get?" Mike asked. "Bacon bap with ketchup" Dan replied, tucking right in. "Healthy" Julie scoffed, sarcastically. "Healthier than snot on bread I would presume" Dan replied "Cheeky git" Mike muttered.

After they had all finished breakfast, they set off again. The motorways were driving Dan crazy. It was only about an hour drive to the campsite from these services, and then he was in the middle of nowhere with no phone signal, wifi, and music and a bear as his only entertainment.

Soon enough they were here, they arrived. They parked their car on the car park – which was really a bit of grass, paid, and was told where their pitch was. They were on the other side of the campsite, excluded from everyone else, in the really cool lodges and caravans. They were quite literally the only other tent on the whole site and they were alone in a field. This was off to a good start.

They had set the tent up and were ready for the 'fun week' planned ahead. Dan was already sat on a chair bored, and Lex had gone to the playground where they had a swing and slide, and some big old tree which was, admittedly, quite fun to hang out on to try and make friends. Dan didn't see the point of making friends on holiday, you never stay in touch and you're just sad when they leave. It's completely depressing so why bother, when you're 5 of course, you'd like to make some friends that you "promise to stay in touch!" with, but never do. But when you're so young, you don't realise it, and you think life is just sunshine and roses when it's really not.

**A/N: Ok hi. I know Phan is very brief and you're probably thinking 'is that all the phan in this whole story or something?' ok no its not I PROMISE ITS FABULOSO. The plot only goes upwards from here, well in my opinion anyway. Was this good? Should I carry on? Please review, it motivates me and I update more when you're all really nice towards me. Although, if you want to criticise please do, I want to improve and I want to know your thoughts. But please be nice about it. Ok that's all. BYE**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: You again?**

It was the morning of Day 2 of the holiday, Dan was eating breakfast. Luckily, the egg sandwiches were just for journeys, but they were still only having Bran cereal, nothing too exciting. Dan was sat on the cold, metal picnic table seats which were connected to a similar, metal table. They used this table as their 'dining table' when in the tent. Dan spooned the last bit of cereal into his mouth, and stood up taking his bowl and spoon to the plastic bowl they used as a dirty washing bowl before someone went to the building with a washing up area, toilets, etc. across the field.

"You going to wash the pots?" Julie asked, looking up from her book.

"I guess." Dan replied.

He put on his low white converse, picked up the washing up bowl and stepped out of the tent. The grass was wet from the morning dew, and quite muddy. Great, his trainers were going to get dirty.

The squelch of Dan's shoes in the muddy grass was really starting to annoy him and he could already see the watery brown mud on the tip of his shoes. The air was moist, it was pretty cold and there was no washing machine to wash or dry any of his clothes, he felt filthy. To get to the washing up building you had to pass the playground and he never liked it because he sometimes felt the kids were judging him somehow. His stupid insecurities were hilarious sometimes.

Dan stepped over the wood curb and onto the bark, it was pretty early but most people on the campsite were up, there were lots of children at the park early in the morning which liked to play before breakfast which made it worse for Dan, he just tried to walk as quick as possible so he could reach the washing up area, do the washing up and get back to the tent. Suddenly someone barged into Dan. he fell over face first into the bark with only a few dirty dishes remaining in the bowl "Oh shit" Dan cried, agitated. He knelt up and collected the dishes hurriedly. He looked up to see who had ran into him and it was a little boy that looked only around two, even less maybe with beautiful brown eyes and blonde hair. Dan had seen him somewhere.

"Come on Tim"

Dan looked up from the small boy to see where the voice had originated from and he saw the boy with the black hair from the services.

"Hey, didn't I see you at-"

"Ha, yeah that's me" The boy said.

"So, have you been stalking me or?" Dan asked sarcastically, smiling.

"I'm famous for it." The boy said "Only joking, I'm on a family holiday."

"Oh okay, so who's in your family?" Dan asked. The boy turned around and looked at the other 8 children on the playground. "Wait, this is your _whole_ family?" Dan asked.

"Care home." The boy replied. "Oh, me too." Dan smiled. "Wait, isn't there just that girl and you?" The boy asked. "Lex and me, yeah. We're sort of a, _small_ care home." Dan answered. "Oh okay, I understand." "Hey, um, what's your name?" "Oh yeah, sorry, my names Dan." "I'm Phil." Phil replied. Dan looked at his washing up "Um, yeah gotta go do this so I'll see you later I guess." Dan said walking off, he felt someone's hand on his shoulder and instantly felt a small cold shudder send down his spine.

"Let me help?" Phil asked. Dan looked at Phil's hand on his shoulder and smiled. "Sure." Phil smiled and started walking off with Dan towards the washing up area.

Phil felt something pull on his legs, as he looked down he saw Daisy and Tim, the two youngest children at the care home. They were holding on to his legs, sat on his feet. "Can we help?" The kids said in unison smiling up at Phil.

"You want to do _chores_?"

They nodded, smiling up at him with little teethy grins.

"Who are you and what have you done to Daisy and Tim" Phil joked.

They giggled and ran off in the direction of the dish washing area.

Dan and Phil walked to the sink to find Daisy trying to help Tim up to sit on the counter.

"Come on Daisy, pleeeaseeee hurry up I can't get up" Tim whined "I'm trying!" Daisy replied

They fell to the floor on top of eachother.

"Ow Daisy!"

"Sorry"

"It's okay"

Phil picked them both up, and sat them on the counter.

"Thankyou Phillip" Tim said, sticking his tongue out as he giggled with Daisy.

Dan put the washing up bowl on the side and got out a plate. "You wash I dry?" asked Phil "Sure" Dan replied, smiling.

"So um, where abouts is your care home?" Dan asked whilst washing the dishes. "Manchester, ugh" Phil replied "You?"

"London."

"Wow, that's um, a long way away"

"Yeah, I know. Next to no kids live there either it's hell I swear. Anyway, where you camping?"

Phil pointed over to the posh wooden static caravans

"You're staying in _those_?"

"Yeah, you?" Phil asked

"See that crappy little tent on its own on the field? Yeah that's mine." Dan moaned.

"Oh right, well maybe one night you could stay in our caravan or something?" Phil asked. "Sure, that sounds great. I don't think Mike will care anyway."

"Mike?"

"Head care worker"

"No way, my care worker is called Mike too?"

"Oh, trust me. They're probably nothing alike."

"Oh really, how come?" Phil asked, curiously. "Um, don't really want to talk about it." Dan said, finishing off washing the plates. He looked at Phil quickly to find him with all the soapy dishes next to him and looking right into Dan's eyes. "Sorry." Dan announced quickly. Phil put his hand on Dan's arm and rubbed it. "It's fine" He said, smiling and Dan felt the familiar shiver sent down his spine from the simple words of the boy he loved.

"Shit." Dan said as Daisy and Tim gasped. "What?" Phil asked Dan, worried. Dan didn't mean to swear out loud, the shock of what he thought quickly took him by surprise. "Nothing, um sorry. You uh, need to dry the pots now, I'll help." Dan said. "You're fucking crazy Dan, you've known him for less than 2 days, get a hold of yourself" he thought.

**A/N: OKAY I AM AWARE THAT YOU WANT TO RIP MY EYEBALLS OUT WITH A SPOON RIGHT NOW BECAUSE I DIDN'T UPDATE IN TWO WEEKS BUT I JUST GOT BLOCKED AND IDK MAN STRESS. I literally have no explanation for my absence but pls forgive me because I brought phan to this story and yay fun. I will promise to atleast TRY to update once a week and if I don't then you can harass me in reviews and eat my face. Ok so I have questions, should I put smut in this? Because the caravan thing isn't for a while but I was thinking whilst they're in the caravan hot phan sex could happen but idk man. Also, do you want kickthestickz? Please tell me in the reviews because reviews literally motivate me so much and it makes me think people actually like me so yes I think that's all the information I wanted. By the way, I do read every review and appreciate them all, just idk if I should reply to them on the authors note (like this) or pm or whatever idk. OH ALSO I WENT TO PARAMORE ON FRIDAY AND IT WAS THE BEST NIGHT OF MY WHOLE LIFE THEYRE ABOSLUTELY AMAZING AND HAYLEY LOOKED BEAUTIFUL AND I WAS STANDING 3 ROWS BEHIND THE STAGE AND IN MISERY BUSINESS THERE WAS A MOSHPIT AND THE BAND WHO SUPPORTED THEM WERE CALLED "Eliza And The Bear" pls check them out because they're such lovely people and such a small band and they do great music, they're like a mix of The 1975 and Two Door Cinema Club and Imagine Dragons? As always, please post criticism because I seriously doubt my writing so I want to know how to improve and PLEASE REVIEW BECAUSE HAPPINESS ok if you got to the end of this authors note then you are jesus I'm done now bye.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: Monologue** – What is love?

Come on Dan, this is crazy. 'Love' you say? This isn't love; you've known the boy for 10 minutes. You're 15. You don't know what love is. Or does anyone? Does love even exist in this world of sadness that no one can explain; exactly. No one can explain what love is, so is it really a fact of life that just comes with living or is it a fictional thing that as just created- no one knows who started the belief, who came up with it, or even when it was made; it's always just, been there.

Kind of like the placebo effect? It's there so we believe it. And its been around for so long that we just kind of forget to acknowledge the facts and figures around the subject. We've built it up so much in our heads to the extent where almost everyone believes it, and you're thought as crazy if you don't? What's the definition of love in a world where it hardly exists apart for a love from one person to another and no one else. What is love? Is it that tingly feeling you get when someone touches you arm, strokes your face, looks in your eyes, touches your hair. Is it realising how unbelievably perfect a said person is. Is it realising their imperfections and just choosing to ignore it because everybody has flaws and most people don't accept that; apart from when you're in love.

We see it all the time in movies, a girl realising her crush for someone then confessing her love to him. Is this why we believe love exists? Because of the fictional characters in fictional movies that we have revolved our lives around and built up what one person has said to be love and made it our own? Who's to say, that when you type the word 'love' into Word that it doesn't come up with a squiggly line to say it doesn't know what the word means? Because nobody does. Who's to say whether the word love should or shouldn't start with a capital letter. Who decided whether love is an abstract or proper noun. We have been using the word for centuries, yet we haven't figured this out yet?

The definition of love to one person is completely different from the definition of love to another. It's a deep and political question. It's like asking what is the definition of life, but instead its something we deal with every day. "Does he like me?" "Do I like him?" however, when we ask ourselves these questions you never actually say "Does he love me" because maybe, in each and every one of us, some part of our brain is telling us that love does not exist. Maybe it goes from 'liking someone' and escalates into 'loving someone' but how does this happen? You don't suddenly have a crush and then the day you become a couple, you suddenly love them – we just say we do, because society says we should. It's this stupid fantasy we make up in our heads. So then why do I say I'm in love with Phil?

I never primarily said I liked him. It was always I 'love' him, the words spurted into my brain without me giving it a second thought. I never ran it through my mind what love was, why I love Phil or when I ever became aware of this fact – if it even is a fact, or whether or not I was ever aware. Ive never been this deep in my life, so why have I suddenly been having this deep in-depth conversation with myself, or, is that love talking?

Why am I in 'love' with Phil?

Is it the way he ruffles up his hair and makes it messy, only to fix it back to its perfect self again, just for something to do to satisfy his boredom?

Is it the way his hand covers his hand covers his mouth whilst he smiles or laughs because he can't stand the way his tongue sticks slightly outside of his mouth when he grins?

Is it the fact that we're both from care homes and we can both relate?

Is it the way we share many similarities that I have even found within the small time that I have known him?

The truth is, it's none of those things – well maybe it is, but only slightly. It was originally an automatic response that comes into our brain.

Is it possible to be in love with love? Maybe that's the reason people are so obsessed with it; because they're in love with the idea of love. It is a wonderful thing, after all, we have built it up for centuries. Of course it's lovely – the word lovely, it explains a tranquil, nice and pleasant atmosphere, or noun, _love_ly – has the word lovely in it. So maybe love is a peaceful thing, that doesn't need to be played with so much, or overused, or used loosely. Because it's delicate. After all, it _is_ love.

Maybe I'm in love with Phil.

_I'm in love with Phil._

_I'm in love with Phil._

_I'm in love with Phil._

_I'm in love with love._

_I'm in love._

_Love._

_Love._

_Lo-_

**A/N: ALRIGHT HAY FLUFFLEJAMS. So was this good? It was a one off, they're not all going to be like this obviously. Because I'm writing this from the perspective of third person I thought a monologue from Dan's perspective would be nice so you could really see what's going through his mind. Maybe I'll do monologues after each significant event to know what's going through their minds. I wont do a matching one for Phil, because it would take forever and I have nothing else to talk about for it. Original story will remain next chapter though, don't worry. It'll carry on like a story, adding from chapter 3. ANYWAY I hope you enjoyed. AND I ASKED YOU QUESTIONS LAST TIME AND NO ONE ANSWERED THEM, so I'll ask again and pls can you reply to these this time thank. Do you want kickthestickz? And do you want smut? I don't even know why I ended this with like half a word, but suspense and stuff so yay. Sorry it takes me long to upload, maybe every 2 weeks is my schedule. It's easier for me and Im getting a job soon so it would be easier for -me to do one every 2 weeks if that's ok with you guys – sorry about that. Alright, that is all, ta ta for now.**


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